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Things I have learned from The Blob

  • Jan. 8th, 2010 at 6:05 PM
satan pancake
1. Taking girls out in cars to watch for shooting stars is smooth, and she will fall for your lines.
2. Meteor hits in the surrounding area will interrupt even the hottest date.
3. Poking meteors that have just landed with sticks results in serious injury.
4. You can't scrape meteor shit off your hand with a stick.
5. Meteor shit spreads like wildfire across the human body.
6. Doctors in small towns don't have the capacity to handle people injured by meteor shit.
7. Trichloroacetic acid, while good for the removal of warts, does not work on giant blobs of angry strawberry jelly. In fact, if you throw it on the blob, you are going to regret it. (I'm looking at you, nurse!)
8. Strawberry jelly that moves on it's own volition is terrifying.
9. The only effect guns have on the blob: they make it hungry.
10. No matter what, if you are under the age of 18, the police won't believe you, and will mock you openly.
11. Landladies will destroy evidence faster than you can say...er...destruction of evidence.
12. Steve McQueen (Or Steven as he's billed) can pout like a champ.
13. You can make your buddies leave a movie halfway through by saying you need to tell them "something important."
14. No matter what, if you are under the age of 18, anything you say of any importance to any adult will be scoffed at and disbelieved.
15. Doors won't stop the blob. Don't even bother.
16. Even in life or death situations, you give the lady your coat. That's good manners, young man.
17. Just like at the drive in, if there is something going on that you don't like, or you need someone's attention, you lean on the horn. If you have access to an air-raid, fire, or tornado siren, even better.
18. But if you're under 18, nobody will listen to you anyway, so you may as well not even bother.
19. If the blob happens to tackle you, those stains are never coming out.
20. Little kids who think their Lone Ranger guns can take care of the monster are badass; especially when they run out of caps and resort to throwing the gun at the threat.
21. Only when the crisis is unavoidable will the authorities believe the teenagers.
22. If guns won't hurt it, electricity's not going to either.
23. It's a good idea to pretend that everything is alright in the face of certain death; in fact, take a nice nap, and it's all going to turn out okay.
24. Fire extinguishers are now rated type A, B, C, D, and Blob.
25. Nothing unites a community like fighting a creature from Outer Space.
26. Golly, it's fun to shoot fire extinguishers!
27. We need to get a handle on global warming, and fast, because if the Arctic thaws out, the Blob is back.

Comments

ernestinewalker wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2010 04:28 pm (UTC)
I lol'd like a monkey at this~!!!
perfect_beaker wrote:
Jan. 10th, 2010 05:42 am (UTC)
Thanks, m'dear! Dracula is up next!
ernestinewalker wrote:
Jan. 11th, 2010 01:07 pm (UTC)
I have adored your movie notes ever since your version of White Noise made me choke on a soda!!!
garden_chick wrote:
Jan. 9th, 2010 07:16 pm (UTC)
This is fantastic!
perfect_beaker wrote:
Jan. 10th, 2010 05:42 am (UTC)
Thanks!

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